-- Obama Would Invade Cambo ... Oops, Pakistan

by Michael Jahn

I hear an American President speaking to the nation:

"This is not an invasion of Pakistan. ... Our purpose is not to occupy the areas. Once enemy forces are driven out of these sanctuaries and once their military supplies are destroyed, we will withdraw.... We take this action not for the purpose of expanding the war into Pakistan but for the purpose of ending the war in Afghanistan and winning the just peace we all desire."

Actually, I was speaking not of a President but of a Presidential candidate and, in the true spirit of scurrilous journalism on everyone's minds following the purchase of the Wall Street Journal by Rupert Murdock, I changed two words.

I changed the word "Cambodia" to "Pakistan" and the word "Vietnam" to "Afghanistan." What you read up there is part of Nixon's 1970 speech announcing that we were invading Cambodia.

Which brings us, you have guessed, to Barack Obama. I applaud his plan to invade Pakistan to protect American servicemen in Afghanistan. I think we should go even further with this America-as-the-world's cop. We must, for example, invade Jamaica to end the blight of indigestion caused by jerked beef.

And India, India must be smashed and occupied -- to put an end to those outsourced computer help desks that have been confirming our suspicion that the Microsoft manuals really ARE written in Aramaic. Coming soon -- the commissioning of the Geek Squad commandos.

And Canada, Canada, PLEASE do something about Bill Shatner's waistline before we have to send in a Delta Force of pilates instructors!