Bush Would Outsource 9-1-1 Calls to India
by Michael Jahn
Sources within the White House have revealed that the Bush Administration is pushing a plan to outsource emergency 9-1-1 calls to India.
Right now almost the entire United States is serviced by the 9-1-1 emergency network. Most 9-1-1 called are directed to one of 6,200 Public Safety Answering Points nationwide. Those are in places like New York, Chicago, Chattanooga and Baton Rouge. If the Bush plan were approved, the calls would be answered in places like Bangalore, Mumbai, Hyderabad, and Thiruvananthapuram.
Depending on who you believe, from one-half to two-thirds of Fortune 500 companies outsource to India. Why, to thank them for ministering to spiritually bankrupt rock stars and providing staff for our convenience stores?
No, because in Portland a typical salary for a 9-1-1 call taker is $36,995. In
Thiruvananthapuram it is about 170,000 rupees - around $4000.
Okay, so ghee is cheaper in Thiruvananthapuram.
One White House insider, who wished to remain anonymous, defended the president's plan. "If the Indians can explain Windows 2000 they can manage to send a paddywagon to Hollywood and Vine," he said.
Or send a District of Columbia Mental Health Crisis Intervention Team to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
www.geocities.com/michaeljahn
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
-- Obama Would Invade Cambo ... Oops, Pakistan
by Michael Jahn
I hear an American President speaking to the nation:
"This is not an invasion of Pakistan. ... Our purpose is not to occupy the areas. Once enemy forces are driven out of these sanctuaries and once their military supplies are destroyed, we will withdraw.... We take this action not for the purpose of expanding the war into Pakistan but for the purpose of ending the war in Afghanistan and winning the just peace we all desire."
Actually, I was speaking not of a President but of a Presidential candidate and, in the true spirit of scurrilous journalism on everyone's minds following the purchase of the Wall Street Journal by Rupert Murdock, I changed two words.
I changed the word "Cambodia" to "Pakistan" and the word "Vietnam" to "Afghanistan." What you read up there is part of Nixon's 1970 speech announcing that we were invading Cambodia.
Which brings us, you have guessed, to Barack Obama. I applaud his plan to invade Pakistan to protect American servicemen in Afghanistan. I think we should go even further with this America-as-the-world's cop. We must, for example, invade Jamaica to end the blight of indigestion caused by jerked beef.
And India, India must be smashed and occupied -- to put an end to those outsourced computer help desks that have been confirming our suspicion that the Microsoft manuals really ARE written in Aramaic. Coming soon -- the commissioning of the Geek Squad commandos.
And Canada, Canada, PLEASE do something about Bill Shatner's waistline before we have to send in a Delta Force of pilates instructors!
I hear an American President speaking to the nation:
"This is not an invasion of Pakistan. ... Our purpose is not to occupy the areas. Once enemy forces are driven out of these sanctuaries and once their military supplies are destroyed, we will withdraw.... We take this action not for the purpose of expanding the war into Pakistan but for the purpose of ending the war in Afghanistan and winning the just peace we all desire."
Actually, I was speaking not of a President but of a Presidential candidate and, in the true spirit of scurrilous journalism on everyone's minds following the purchase of the Wall Street Journal by Rupert Murdock, I changed two words.
I changed the word "Cambodia" to "Pakistan" and the word "Vietnam" to "Afghanistan." What you read up there is part of Nixon's 1970 speech announcing that we were invading Cambodia.
Which brings us, you have guessed, to Barack Obama. I applaud his plan to invade Pakistan to protect American servicemen in Afghanistan. I think we should go even further with this America-as-the-world's cop. We must, for example, invade Jamaica to end the blight of indigestion caused by jerked beef.
And India, India must be smashed and occupied -- to put an end to those outsourced computer help desks that have been confirming our suspicion that the Microsoft manuals really ARE written in Aramaic. Coming soon -- the commissioning of the Geek Squad commandos.
And Canada, Canada, PLEASE do something about Bill Shatner's waistline before we have to send in a Delta Force of pilates instructors!
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