-- O.J. Simpson Was Looking for 'the Real Cutlery'

O.J. Simpson Was Looking for 'the Real Cutlery'

by Michael Jahn

Reliable sources say that, rather than looking to retrieve such sports memorabilia as signed jerseys and helmets, when O.J. burst into a hotel room in Las Vegas he was looking for "the real cutlery."

For years after being acquited in his criminal trial but convicted in a civil trial, Simpson said he would look for "the real killers."

In fact, sources say, he was looking for the knife that he is alleged to have used in the murders of his wife and her friend that famous night in 1994. The 12-inch stiletto was missing until a week ago, when it turned up on eBay.

According to sources close to the Las Vegas police who questioned him after the robbery, Simpson believed that a sports memorabilia broker had purchased the knife and planned to sell it in Las Vegas. That turned out not to be true, as Simpson discovered. The dealer is said to have been trying to sell such other Simpson collectables as a framed photo of the Hall of Fame football star alongside FBI tough guy and reported drag queen J. Edgar Hoover.

--Hollywood Star and Rich Arab Boyfriend Die in Drunken High-Speed Crash

Hollywood Star and Rich Arab Boyfriend Die in Drunken High-Speed Crash

by Michael Jahn

If you followed the Princess Di anniversary hoopla -- and if you managed to avoid it please share your secret -- you would think that Joan of Arc, not the former Diana Spencer, was killed in that Parisian wreck.

Diana seems like she was a decent sort who suffered at the hands of a caddish husband. That makes her like every other chick-flick heroine. You know, the wife is upstairs caring for her dying mother while the husband is in the basement banging the babysitter. She began her public life as inoffensive arm candy and ended it in a flurry of noblesse oblige. That is what royals do, and noblesse oblige is better than no oblige, but she did it particularly well.

That does not, however, qualify her for canonization.

Which is exactly what's on the mind on the hordes of writers, actors, and other hacks who are living off her memory and what they would like people to believe is her memory. They want to sell books, magazines, and the commercial space within their soap opera documentaries.

Imagine what the headline might read should a beloved blonde American icon - hold on, I'm trying to think of one - okay, let's go with Jennifer Aniston, flame out while fleeing surveillance by going 80 miles an hour through a tunnel with a rich Arab she was courting after being abandoned by the caddish husband.

JEN AND RICH ARAB BOYFRIEND DIE IN DRUNKEN HIGH-SPEED CRASH

There would be no canonization. Instead, we would hear a lot of talk about blondes and rehab and she would be compared with Lindsay Lohan and the rest of that lot. Now we're hearing Di being compared with every saintly, misunderstood and eventually martyred woman in history.

And can you just IMAGINE what Fox News would say about the rich Arab boyfriend?

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